Friday, March 5, 2010
And then Satan decided to test me.
Kennedy had two birthday parties to go to this weekend. One overlapped with the small group, so Scott and Harrison took her, but she made it pretty clear to them that they were not welcome at the party. So, I got there as quickly as I could to relieve the boys from a "girls only" party (even though there were several other dads and a couple other brothers there...) I made some great conversation with some really nice women, until they asked who's mom I was. I answered that I was Kennedy's stepmom, and everything changed. It's amazing what those four small letters can do! All of a sudden, it was like a "mommy club" had formed, and I was not invited, because since I didn't give birth to her, I was not worthy of their conversation. I was really confused, and kind of hurt, but then Kennedy came over and gave me a hug and a kiss, and everything was all better. I didn't need to be part of a mommy club to know that she loved me. I shouldn't doubt myself because of four silly little letters in a word!
But he continues...
I'd like to say that I wasn't a difficult teenager, that my mom and I had a good relationship through everything, but that's probably not true. At least we had a million childhood memories to think about and share when the relationship got rocky. But what happens when you enter someone's life right before those teen years? When you cherish the 10 days a month you get to spend with them... but the 10 becomes 6 because she has something better to do, and the 6 becomes 2 because she rarely comes out of her room? When your heart breaks because you're at the same event, but your presence isn't acknowledged (not even a smile, wave, or hello...)? What do you do then? I know, I'm just the stepmom, she doesn't have to love me...but she used to...or at least I thought she did! All I can do is look at the wonderful relationship I have with my mom, and hope and pray that eventually we might end up close again...I miss that.
Being a stepmom isn't easy! I have learned to put four other people before myself daily. Satan continually tries to drag me down, but I have a great support system in my faith, my family, and my friends. If I could do it all over again, I would... I am one lucky lady! My life isn't perfect...but it's perfect for me!